" Remember those lazy sunny summer afternoons .The smell of woodsmoke and the tinkle of glasses. ...well folks here's some correspondence that will remind you of a right royal do that we couldn't get in the last edition.

Dear Barbara

My husband and I are very disappointed at not hearing the Male Voice Choir sing on Sunday 13 July 2008.

We have heard through exalted circles that the choir were due to visit a garden in pretty suburbia, called Rochford - or something.

Poor Gordan has this idea of bringing up-liftment to lives of the voters and relieve them of the worry of petrol and Amy Whitehouse so we decided to visit Number 14 Southend Road, and earwig the singing from next door,

We are aware that you sing tunes in Welsh and as nobody understands them we thought we'd bring Charles along as a treat.  He has a smattering of Welsh which is more than can be said from those that emerge from the Ann Boleyn (of unhappy memory.)

Dear William, such a thoughtful boy, very kindly offered to give us a lift. Particularly convenient as the house was almost on the Airport runway and Tescos are giving him 5p off aviation fuel as we bought all those unpleasant Christmas puddings last year that we were pleased to give away.

Williams landed the helicopter and we managed to slip over the Railway line before the 14.20. So we dropped into visit one of the neighbours and enjoy the fine singing from over the fence at the same time.

Initially there was a little confusion as Phillip asked for the throne,  why he can't go before he comes out is a mystery to me. We soon we settled down to tea and those rich tea biscuits that were ferreted from a tin that was last opened at my Jubilee . 

Well we could only hear the gentle hubbub of munching false teeth next door, but no Welsh voices and certainly no "Gwahoddiad." Phillip got fractious and started to walk about with hands behind his back - always the first sign of trouble - and Charles, whose nose had been glued in a Welsh phrase book since Windor Great Park, began to play with his mobile. It is not the first time I have spoken to him about idle hands.

Suddenly Phillip's body stiffened. I could tell he'd spotted a bit of bother next door and as our hosts had popped in to watch Eastenders he beckoned us to peep through the cast concrete fence. A tall man who face was vaguely familiar to Charles, was actually throwing a glass of wine over a man's Primark trousers . Admittedly they had seen better days, but it was clear the situation was about to turn very nasty . 

Charles wanted to call in the Household Calvary, Phillip wanted a drink and I just wanted to get home to cucumber sandwiches and Dundee cake.

From sound of the tearing open of Tesco's ready meals in the kitchen, it was clear that out hosts were beginning to prepare  hamburger and chips for us . Very gently I mentioned to them that after a lovely afternoon we should take our leave so we could get across the line before the 16.40.

Charles casually mentioned that he would have loved to have heard "Gwahoddiad" floating over the Clematis . They explained that it was only the annual Choir's Barbecue nextdoor- but as we were so disappointed they could sell us one of the LOMVC's CDs for £15.50 ( £10 cash) .

I simply snapped it up. What a good deal. We could play it in the helicopter on the flight home and if we didn't like it, give it to poor Gordan to make him feel worse.

 

By our own hand and signature etc.....

 

  and the reply..
 
Your gracious Majesty, defender of the faith etc

The committee wish to extend their deepest apology if you felt our annual barbecue descended into an orgy of unpleasant proportions. It is true that the ladies put on a wonderful spread and a few expanded waistlines were the result.

After exhaustive enquiries the committee is able to confirm that in the unrivalled excitement of the raffle, a glass of wine was split inadvertently over one of our most engaging members . He is not only blessed with a fine voice voice but a good memory for words and encourages others to be the same with a judicious poke in ribs from time to time.This gives some Bases the excuse to adopt the first tenor line albeit briefly. .

Your gracious Majesty may be pleased to her that the  barbecue raised   XXXXXXX which will be used for  XXXXXXX.

May we congratulate William for finding Essex .Certainly your Birthday present of an en-jewelled copy of Halford's map of England with gold leaf, paid off .

In Janury 2009  the choir plan to cut a CD and to every-ones delight, it will include some Welsh items .This may prove a blessing in disguise for your Easter present to Charles and other family members and will have the added advantage of our special  "buy one get one free " introductory offer.

Our Conductor does a very nice line in framed photos of the Choir and will send you ten on a "sale or return basis ." The hand coloured gilt frame photographs of the Choir resplendent in their deep maroon blazers should go a treat on the pink flock of your picture gallery and bring a bit of zest to all those old masters. He is the one in the white jacket.

Your most loyal and trusted servant.

Barbara

 

 

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